Why saying no is one of the greatest gifts! | Mumma Life is now

boundaries people pleasing saying no self worth self-care Aug 24, 2022

When did you last say yes, when in fact you wanted to say no?


How often does this occur?



How does it make you feel when you say yes to something that doesn't feel right for you?



Now imagine if you had said no.



What would have been the result?



In many cases, saying no can be one of the kindest things you can do – not only for yourself but also for the other person involved.



When you say no to something that doesn't sit well with you, it's a gift.






When you say no to something that doesn't fit your values or what you want in life, you are essentially setting a boundary.


You are saying that this is not something that I am comfortable with and is not something I want to do.



In setting this boundary, you are also respecting yourself. You are saying that you will not do something that doesn't feel right just because someone else wants you to do it. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care --the type of self-care you need to learn to practice daily. 


When you respect yourself in this way, it also helps to build your self-esteem and confidence. It shows that you are someone who stands up for yourself and who is not afraid to say no.


Saying no can also help to improve your relationships. When you start setting boundaries and respecting yourself more, people will begin to respect you more too.



When you start to say no more often, you are also teaching others how to treat you and that your time and energy are just as valuable as theirs.


This in turn role models to the other person that they too could benefit from ensuring they have their own healthy boundaries in place. 



Full transparency here. It's not easy to start setting boundaries, but it is so worth it when you do.



As someone who previously struggled to say no and instead felt the resentment of agreeing to a situation that I did not feel in alignment with, I learnt the importance of this and how the simple act of saying no can prevent potential fall out's and can help in maintaining my energy levels.



Like anything, when you have followed a particular pattern for many years it can be difficult for both you and those around you to adjust to the change, however, with time it will become more natural and you will feel more in control and at ease with yourself.



If you find it difficult to start setting boundaries, here are a few things that may help:



  1. Set the intention for why you want to start saying no more often. This could be to protect your energy levels, to reduce stress or anxiety or to avoid people pleasing.
  2. Write down a list of things that you typically say yes to, even when you don't want to. This could be attending events, doing favours or going above and beyond at work.
  3. For each item on the list, ask yourself how it makes you feel and if it is in alignment with your values. If the answer is no, then it's time to start saying no more often.
  4. Start small. If you are used to saying yes all the time, then it may be difficult to start setting boundaries overnight. Begin by saying no to the things that don't sit well with you and that you don't really want to do.
  5. Be firm. When you say no, make sure that you are firm and confident in your response. If you waver, the other person may try to convince you to change your mind. 
  6. Explain your reasons. If you are comfortable doing so, explain why you are saying no. This will help the other person to understand your decision and may also help them to respect your boundary. Remember that you do not need to justify your decisions to anyone and it is your choice if you choose to share the reason for saying no.
  7. Don't feel guilty. It is natural to feel guilty when you start saying no, however, it is important to remember that you are not doing anything wrong. You are simply setting a boundary and taking care of yourself, which is nothing to feel guilty about.



If this article is resonating with you and you're someone who has trouble saying no, I challenge you to start setting some boundaries in your life.



See how it feels and I guarantee you will be surprised at how good it can be!



Until next time, remember that you always have been and always will be enough.



Tammy xxx